Your side of the story

So in any conflict or misunderstanding, there is our side of the story, where we describe what we think about the other person and what we think happened. And how they are wrong and how it's unfair, or whatever. But what is the real story? The real story is how we felt inside our body and how we chose to react in that situation.

Often, during an argument, I am easily triggered into fueling a conflict through counter-argument. The need to be right, the need to be considered intelligent, and the need to be understood makes me strive very hard to convince the other person that they're wrong and I'm right. Little do I realize that I'm fueling a fire that will eventually burn me and the other person. Instead of jumping into the boxing ring, I have a choice to stay outside it and ignore the trigger. I can deal with the pain of being falsely accused and misunderstood. All I have to do is repeat the hurtful words of the other person, and confirm that I hear what they say. After asking them if they would like to know what I think, I could present my side calmly and wait for their response. Of course, they still think I'm wrong and that they're right. All I can do then is to smile and ask some probing questions to expose the fallacies in their thinking. Hopefully, they can then realize through their intelligence, that they're acting on a platform of threat and defense rather than on actual facts and logic. Once they can calm down, it's wise to leave them alone, after expressing any pain caused to us by them, just mentioning how we feel when they say those things.

I hope I can continually give strength to my intelligence, be calm, and withdraw from my harmful habit of becoming angry and fearful.