Supporting the temple

So we support the temple financially. And I think the money is not being used properly - that the funds are getting used for doors with codes on them that are never protecting when and what they need to protect.

So the police escort a stubborn free-loader out of the temple because he comes for free food every day but then refuses to leave the premises.

So, was I wrong to say that free-loaders are getting attracted to the temple? No.

But they are in denial. They are upset because they're really trying their best and they feel like I've insulted them and rejected them and disapproved of them. So they are mirroring these feelings back to me. And I should not be surprised.

I wonder if I should continue to do the seva for Lord Jagannath? I have to ask Him if He really lives there and if He wants me to do this. If not, I should reconsider how I want to please the Lord and who I want to associate with.

And the theft of the donation box on Saturday... someone threw it in the back of the temple and filled it with flowers. It is so crazy. how can anyone feel safe in such a situation?

I need to stop sending funds to the temple because certainly it is not beautiful - all these events show that things are wrong... the free food without hari kirtan - that is just a recipe for disaster. I think eventually the food shortage will force the system to expire. I am a spectator. I will remain one.

It is foolish to speak up against convinced people - in that the reaction will be to silence me, make me disappear.

The way Sri Mohini asked me - so - do you know about the new underclothes of Jagannath? Like, saying, you know all those pretty plastic skirts you stitched? Jagannath rejected them. I told Nayana to please use material other than plastic anyway - it was my idea to not use that! I was happy to know they got rid of the plastic... these people?! She was trying to hurt me - like do you know that your service got rejected?

My goodness. If I have to deal with this mood - what would be my motivation to visit the temple?

I have to think about this. What do I want? What is my purpose? How do I find like-minded devotees? Do I agree with compromising my values and looking the other way so that money can be donated to iskcon, so called, in the name of Prabhupada, and funds are misused due to lack of spiritual insights?

I must be very clear in my head about who I want to offer myself to - to be accepted or rejected - and to ensure that I stay away from those who are

Puffed up
Treating me badly because I "deserve" it
Trying to tell me how my service got rejected so that they can hurt me

I am shocked. All the respect in my heart for these persons has VANISHED. I mean - Vrindavana Candra prabhu - be he a victim of Maya - I was shocked that he would resort to treating someone who chants the Holy Name in such a way. I would avoid that - because somehow Krishna and my Gurudeva teach me - don't judge - even devotees like Ramacandra Puri - we should not judge - it is Jatila. This is a special type of devotee. :)

So - I must retain respect for them in my heart because they are all chanting the Holy Name. I must understand that they have misunderstood me and not become upset that I am not understood correctly. They have some ideas about what is okay and what is not - and I just happen to be myself. So I should find that which nourishes my devotion and accept that - and avoid that which takes me away from Krishna.

This mood of ingratitude - forgetting everything that a person has done good - is unwanted. We cannot waste our lives in this attitude. And those who have this attitude are still climbing a long staircase. They have not received the grace to understand how to be nice even to those who are not perfect. They are unaware of what is compassion.

I am not going to wonder any more about what transpired behind the scenes. I am simply going to focus on my sadhana, helping those who appreciate my help, contribute to those who are really making a difference, and allow others to rise above their prejudice through time. A few lifetimes from now, it will be very different.

What does it say about someone if they avoid neglect and reject an envious person? It says that they are careful to stay away from bad association. But if they treat them bad, it shows a lack of compassion.

If I was someone who is good to associate with, I would not have any demonic qualities, envy, false ego about being more intelligent than others, and a need to be accepted, appreciated, and loved. In a way their rejection is valid. There is a way in which I could have communicated, a more polite, loving, humble, and prayerful way. If I yell at someone for being incompetent, chances are high that the person will be averse to me. Then I should not wonder why I am being treated in a certain way.

But one thing is for sure. Before tolerating any criticism of a devotee, I would shut my ears and walk away. I would not, even for a moment, listen with interest to the sharp criticism of anyone who chants the Holy Name. Even if they are envious - they should not be hated. Nothing justifies hatred. If someone is fallen we must feel compassion for them. We may stop associating with them, but there is no need to hate anyone.

What about the Tamil guys - are they better? Should we support them instead? Should we support Krishna temple with flowers and fruits instead of money? Should we withdraw completely? Should we reject them the way they rejected me? Should we continue to go when Swamis come and support only them? What should we do?

It's not all bad - there is some good also. What is the good? Some kirtan in going on - some Hari Katha is going on. I can attend that and no one will stop me from doing that - that is allowed and fine. The rest is pointless.

Whatever seva I have taken up, and whatever coins we collected so far - other than that, no more hard cash for Krishna Temple.

And my sewing room seva - I will pray to Krishna to reveal to me His desire. Then I will do that no matter whether there is insult or honor.