When you mess up

I messed up. Emails are impersonal and easy to misunderstand. And I wrote an email in a bad mood, frustrated, and offensive. It was quite critical of the temple's organization, and it was projecting as if I am superior, more intelligent, know how to run things, The whole coupon idea - i should not have written about it.

Also, about the putzstein - I wrote in the email about cheating propensity - I was thinking Olga, the ghost story and her motivation for being a temple resident, and I was searching for putzstein in the cellar. Certainly if a camera catches such action - it would be like - what is she doing?

I will never go into the cellar again, if I can remember not to. Unless there are others with me.

And I must know that they think this way about me and accordingly be with my hands showing clean and simple what I am doing. My gosh, its horrible that people think in this way about me. But I created this idea in their heads by writing that crazy email and then searching for putzstein in the whole cellar.

What if they're upset about something else? Anyway, definitely something is not right, and I must not create any more hysteria. Hare Krishna! Thank you Lord, for helping me see what went on. Core member meeting, I suppose. Maybe after 5 years they will change their opinion. In any case, I must be careful not to write any silly emails anymore. Enough. No more emails.