Envy and humility

Something interesting that I found today:

Humility is intelligent self-respect which keeps one from thinking too highly or too meanly of oneself.

One who is thinking too meanly of himself is envious and simply using fake humility to feel better about it.

It's a huge huge realization. May I be able to digest it and never forget this lesson. I have been for many years sarcastic and have treated people like they are stupid - that I am better, more intelligent - don't they understand simple things? - how stupid they are - feeling anger. No compassion, no humility. Just a sense of I AM RIGHT and YOU ARE WRONG and YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I KNOW BETTER. This treating people as less than myself has resulted in me pushing away well-wishers. They can sense that I am treating them with no respect - as lower and not as an equal. Thus I am bullied, alienated, and treated with anger and harshness, because I hurt others by making them feel that they're Stupid - unlike me. While listening to others talk I simply refuse to accept that it could be any way but my way when it contradicts with information I believe to be true. I become angry when I am accused of being forceful with others. And I treat people badly without realizing that I'm doing this.

My mentality and attitude must change. This is a manifestation of my envy - wanting to be better than the others. It is causing me to develop fake humility - which makes me demean myself too much, thus creating pain in my life as well.

Gurudeva simply said, "I am proud of you" and I chastised him with "No, Maharaj, there is nothing to be proud of." This was fake humility. And it was denying him the right to feel proud of what he wants to be proud of. I just couldn't believe it. But I could have asked politely "How can this be possible?" But I reacted so rudely and walked off without giving him a chance to respond to me. I have offended my Gurudeva. What can be my fate? I hope he forgives me. I will honestly admit that I have been using fake humility to hide my envy.