Today I have changed perceptively from who I was
Today I have changed perceptively from who I was... or rather, who I was pretending to be.
The more you get to know, you realize you know very little. I had taken up many facades, pretenses, and masks, to act the part of a perfect, ideal sadhaka.
Because a lie cannot survive long before the truth destroys it, I was unable to go on any further with my existing defects and continue to suppress and cover them up in excuses and ideal behavior. I finally succumbed to my nature, which cannot be artificially removed. Now I am working on accepting myself in my current state, finding the truth about what hidden lies I have inside me, and getting rid of all my crutches one by one, this time, not artificially, but naturally removing them from the root and plucking them out so that they go away forever, never to return.
Nama aparadha causes complete fall-down. It remains in a state of anartha for a while before it becomes a purposeful action, and therefore an aparadha.
One cannot continue chanting normally after a serious offense like nama aparadha. It takes impossible effort.
Anartha removal has to be completed for one level before you can move to the next level.
Repentance is not guilt. Repentance is honest admittance of the truh, not shallow and artificial excuse-giving.
Honesty is required. One cannot hide things inside the heart and expect advancement. One must be courageous, fearless, and honestly mention the truth.
example: I have this addiction.
I am hurt.
I am angry.
I am depressed.
I am scared.
I feel weak.
One must mention these out loud, especially to the concerned source of the feeling - the person.
One must mention how one is feeling without a tinge of resentment or hatred. It should not be proclaimed in fighting spirit, but said in self-defense. One should feel completely normal admitting how someone makes one feel: betrayed, insulted, humiliated, angered, scared, threatened, used, taken-for-granted, hurt, rejected, etc.
One should clearly mention these things and allow oneself to feel these emotions without guilt or fear of loss or rejection.
Move on to healing the subtle body of past hurts and healing the cause of emotions that drain your energy.
I wish Vyoma luck on her voyage in this life. It is a life of great learning, practical realizations, overcoming of obstacles, healing of the self, advancement and progress in the true sense, and developing perfection one step at a time.
You deserve to be loved. Heal yourself, save yourself first, and then go out and give this love of Self to one and all.
The more you get to know, you realize you know very little. I had taken up many facades, pretenses, and masks, to act the part of a perfect, ideal sadhaka.
Because a lie cannot survive long before the truth destroys it, I was unable to go on any further with my existing defects and continue to suppress and cover them up in excuses and ideal behavior. I finally succumbed to my nature, which cannot be artificially removed. Now I am working on accepting myself in my current state, finding the truth about what hidden lies I have inside me, and getting rid of all my crutches one by one, this time, not artificially, but naturally removing them from the root and plucking them out so that they go away forever, never to return.
Nama aparadha causes complete fall-down. It remains in a state of anartha for a while before it becomes a purposeful action, and therefore an aparadha.
One cannot continue chanting normally after a serious offense like nama aparadha. It takes impossible effort.
Anartha removal has to be completed for one level before you can move to the next level.
Repentance is not guilt. Repentance is honest admittance of the truh, not shallow and artificial excuse-giving.
Honesty is required. One cannot hide things inside the heart and expect advancement. One must be courageous, fearless, and honestly mention the truth.
example: I have this addiction.
I am hurt.
I am angry.
I am depressed.
I am scared.
I feel weak.
One must mention these out loud, especially to the concerned source of the feeling - the person.
One must mention how one is feeling without a tinge of resentment or hatred. It should not be proclaimed in fighting spirit, but said in self-defense. One should feel completely normal admitting how someone makes one feel: betrayed, insulted, humiliated, angered, scared, threatened, used, taken-for-granted, hurt, rejected, etc.
One should clearly mention these things and allow oneself to feel these emotions without guilt or fear of loss or rejection.
Move on to healing the subtle body of past hurts and healing the cause of emotions that drain your energy.
I wish Vyoma luck on her voyage in this life. It is a life of great learning, practical realizations, overcoming of obstacles, healing of the self, advancement and progress in the true sense, and developing perfection one step at a time.
You deserve to be loved. Heal yourself, save yourself first, and then go out and give this love of Self to one and all.
posted by Vyoma at Wednesday, April 22, 2009
